It’s the software, stupid!

21 06 2007

During the past couple of weeks a couple of applications have fubar’d (I think that’s the correct spelling). And of course, we storage peeps are the scapegoats. Well, in each case, it’s definitely been a case of duff code. For starters, a Windows app (recently bought by HP) that shall remain nameless, but I will say its clusters failover by fiddling with SAN ports, toasted its log volumes. Completely buggered. Muggins was on call, so after over an hour of trawling switch and array logs, told them it was the app’s fault. Anyhoo, they recovered. Now the product support are trying to blame the SAN. I’ve put on my teflon coat and told them to write their application properly to handle problems. I’m a properly trained programmer, on a proper platform (that’s a mainframe to you script kiddies out there), and as part of your training you’re taught to make your code robust. Robust is never an adjective I’d associate with a Windows app. Windows has its place – on the desktop! Keep it out of the machine room and away from enterprise storage!

Then this week a couple of VMware servers managed to block several ports on one of our USPs by sending duff blocking instructions to it, which also caused great distress to several unix servers as a result. I don’t know the exact ins and outs, but once again badly written drivers cause the shit to hit the fan.

Talking of shit, I’ve just read this hilarious blog entry about the side effects of a new diet pill on sale in the US, which I caught by chance just now. It’s at and is a stark, oily brown warning to those of you, like me, who are of a round disposition, and who, unlike me, wish to change that shape to something more stick like by thinking you can pop a few pills. You can certainly pop a few pills, but in this case you’ll also pop, or to be more accurate, explode out of your arse!

And talking of stupid, I saw a great ad for a premium rate “fleece the gullible, stupid kiddies” text line. It’s very simple. Lonely? Want to know the initial of your soulmate? Well, text us a message, costing £1.50 (that’s $3 US), and we’ll text back a letter of the alphabet! I have to admire the audacity and genius of the person who came up with that. It’s a well known fact that poverty can be a great wealth generator for those who are willing to exploit those in need, but this is living proof that stupidity can be a great wealth generator too for those willing to exploit the clinically stupid!

But what came after that ad was even more priceless. The same company asks you to text them if you’re thinking about reproducing, and for the same price will send you a random name back for the offspring! If you’re even vaguely thinking of doing that, then stop right now, and don’t even think about reproducing. You’ve probably settled down to text for a baby’s name after getting the initial of your future soulmate, so for the sake of humanity, please, please, do not reproduce. All that will happen is that the gene pool will get even shallower, possibly evaporating to a small puddle.

I was in Brighton at the weekend for a union conference. Pretty mundane, but I saw a great t-shirt slogan, which I’m thinking as adopting as one of my mottos. I’ll leave you with this its poignant message:

“Get in Shape. Round is a shape”




One response

24 06 2007
Jeff Ventura

Another alli rant here.

This drug is a trainwreck. Literally.

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